Humor: 15 Skills NOT to List on Your Resume
09. Feb, 2009 
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The Internet is full of articles on what skills should go on your resume. Computer skills, people skills, on and on down the line. You’ve heard it all before. But what about skills that actually make resumes look worse? Many job seekers are listing skills that have no business being on a resume and that are probably keeping them unemployed. Sometimes they are included as jokes to lighten the mood (this rarely works!), and other times…well, you just never can tell with some people, can you? But we felt this topic deserved more attention that it’s gotten, so we created this list of 15 skills NOT to list on your resume.
List them at your own peril!
1) Drinking
You would be amazed how many serious job applicants make reference (in some way or another) to their drinking habits. While no one can bash the all-American tradition of throwing down a few cold ones at the bar after work, one’s resume is simply not the place to be discussing alcohol consumption. It portrays you as a party animal who cannot be trusted to put work first.
2) “Female Body Inspector”
As with many of the “skills” on this list, this one is often included as a gag to lighten the mood in what is normally perceived as a cold, impersonal process. (Hiring.) However, the reasons not to include this one are many. For one, what if the interviewer is, herself, a female? Beyond this obvious problem, it should be clear that this makes you look crude and perverted, which, last we checked, are not what most employers are looking for in the job market.
3) Celebrity impersonations
Everyone loves a good gag around the water cooler, but in these perilous economic times, not even the best celebrity voice impressions are likely to land you in your dream job. If the most you feel you can offer an employer is this, it would probably be best to not even bother wasting you or the interviewer’s time!
4) Pole dancing
Think of this “skill” as the female equivalent of “Female Body Inspector” – that is, something that makes any woman who lists it come off as vulgar, and improper. The same principle applies: if this is your attempt at “lightening up” the interview process, you’d might want to consider some knock-knock jokes or talking about the weather instead!
5) Sexual harassment
This may have gotten a rise out of interviewers in the 60’s and 70’s, but 2009 is no time to be making light of sexual harassment! With lawsuits and accusations flying through corporate offices and boardrooms across the nation, listing this on your resume virtually guarentees you wont be hired.
6) Looking busy
While certainly more harmless than sexual harassment or pole dancing, some employers take employee productivity very seriously. If you’re unfortunate enough to land an interview with one of them, listing “looking busy” as a skillset you possess may send your resume to the trash can instead of sending you to your dream position.
7) Couch potato
It’s true – no matter how hard some of us work, there’s a little couch potato in all of us. But as Marge Simpson famously said, “it’s true…but you shouldn’t say it!” No employer wants to knowingly hire a self-admitted couch potato, as it would make him look bad in the event that you start to flake out at work. In this way (as we have seen) what begins as a perfectly harmless and good-natured attempt at humor can cost you the job you are applying for.
Computer hacking
Computer skills are economically desirable and belong on any resume! But as with so many things in life, it comes down to how you say it. No employer is going to smile upon a resume with “computer hacking” listed as a skill. It will only make them suspicious of you and worry that you will use those “skills” against the company should you ever fall out of favor.
9) Burping your ABCs
By now, you should know that any “skills” which paint you as crude, obnoxious, or immature don’t belong on your resume. That being said, it’s clear that any job seeker brash enough to list “burping my ABCs” in their resume is in flagrant violation of this rule. Consider yourself warned!
10) Solitaire player extraordinaire
Microsoft Solitaire has become an icon of employee procrastination. No boss or supervisor is happy when they stroll up and down the cuble isles to find people playing it, and for this reason, your Solitaire skills probably wont do much good on your resume. (In fact, if you don’t like Solitaire, your resume may be an excellent place to say so!)
11) Jedi warrior
Everyone loves a good Star Wars flick, but making mention of this on your resume is unlikely to score you any points with employers. While not nearly as damning as some of the other skills mentioned, you risk coming off as a hobby-obsessed person who never quite evolved from a teenager into a serious, job-seeking adult. Be careful!
12) Money laundering
Anyone who’s ever seen Office Space has thought about including this on their resume. It’s the ultimate corporate pop-culture reference; who wouldn’t laugh at it? Unfortunately, in a post-Bernie Madoff world, few employers are likely to find this as funny as they once might have. It would probably be best to just leave it off your resume entirely.
13) Paper clip jeweler
When Solitaire gets boring (or when you don’t have a computer at work), many employees take to creating jewelry out of paperclips. And while your paperclip creations might get you major props among co-workers, employers aren’t nearly as impressed.
14) Arm-wrestling
Nothing lightens the mood more at the construction site or the office cafeteria than a good, old-fashioned arm wrestling match. Sadly, while co-workers never fail to appreciate the display of raw strength that separates the men from the boys, employers take a different view, seeing it instead as a time-wasting exercise in immaturity. For this reason, it probably wont do your resume very many favors.
15) Party animal
With the 9-5 grind as boring as its ever been, more and more employees are, indeed, spending more of their free time partying. True as this may be, though, it really has no business being on your resume. Almost without exception, employers see the term “party animal” in a negative light, and if long-term employment is your goal, you should want to be as far away from this distinction as possible.
I would not put the fact that I was the chess president on my resume. I would not want to come across as a nerd.
Truly a great posting. Though it’s out-of-the-box, it’s nevertheles very helpful one not put up by anyone before. Thumbs up to this great job!!!
Excellent work again. Amazing list, of course a bit humorous too. Anyone preparing a resume must keep this list handy so as to avoid ending up rejected the job due to “extraordinary skills”
ya realy a good 1……..appreciated…..n its very imp before making a new resume or to every fresher.
Really we have had loads and loads of articles telling us what skills to include in your resume. It was high time we had something different, something which we didn’t already had been told. Thanks to Resumebear now we have this unique, helpful article. Great going Resumebear, keep it up.
I’ll have to agree with these other commenters, this article based on resume tips is indeed something different and unique than we usually get to see. It’s thoroughly helpful for those who are setting up to prepare to resume, whether it’s a fresher or otherwise. Hope everyone reaps the benefit of this resourceful article and site too. I heartily thank Resumebear for sharing all these helpful stuff.
I really wouldn’t want to volunteer that I was a pirate in disguise. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Wow, I really hope none of these are coming from personal experience.
Great article, and fun. Sometimes a little bit of levity is just the answer when looking for work. We all get too darn serious. If you’ve not tried the resume builder on www.resumebear.com then you have to know that you are missing a great tool for your job search.
Salary expectations
All are really very interesting and common mistakes which any one can do to just boast of himself/herself or create an extra impression, but thanks for telling that it creates negative impression , a great post as usual !!! Thanks !!
All are really very interesting and common skills which any one can do to just boast of himself/herself or create an extra impression, but thanks for telling that it creates negative impression , a great post as usual !!! Thanks !!
All are really very interesting and common skills which any one can do to just boast of himself/herself or create an extra impression, but thanks for telling that it creates negative impression , a great post as usual !!! Thanks !!
The article is very amusing. It’s a reminder of the importance of keeping a healthy sense of humor during the job search, but to focus on business-related skills.
Interesting article, although some of them seem hard to believe that people would be *that* stupid to write them on their resume. I guess you never know, though…
I actually did have someone admit he had hacked into the university computer system and he was very proud of it. LIttle did he know, it cost him a job.
Very interesting, Do people actually do that? Not something I would ever consider if I’m looking to land me a job. But I guess some don’t always think before hand.
i like it very much.. even my new resume is ready without these things.. its great job.. but every one knows about it….
HAHA, so funny! I used to work as a junior recruiter for temporary agencies, and while the resume tips in this article may seem outlandish – you would be surprised the kinds of things people put on their resumes. Once I received a resume with the male applicant’s height, weight and age ratio. We joked, “Oh, I’m sorry sir, but the job requires that your height be 5′9 3/4″, not 5′9″”
I actually had one guy put “Sex, drugs and rock’n'roll” as his interests! Some guy last week also had “I decided to stop working offshore as my 4 year old daughter kept asking “Who is that man Mummy?” – Whilst mildly entertaining, humour has very little place on a CV.
I only need to mention the world famous “I have an excellent track record…although i am not a horse” connotation, and i think we’ll all agree!!
Not to forget people with weird email addresses! Seen it all.. sexybunny@blablabla, pyroman@blabla etc
As a recruiter I enjoyed reading about and reckognizing many of the ‘better not to be there’ items. I would like to add one: If you add a picture of yourself, which is highly recommendable as far as I am concerned, do make sure that it is a picture where you have a professional look that goes with the job you are applying for. Sometimes I see photographs of applicants in their swimsuits or less on the beach and it simply does not work!
Is this an American website? I think it is as you guys have no way seen the atrocities commited on CV’s over here in the UK…
Some people take themselves so seriously, don’t they?
To the others, yes you wouldn’t believe the kinds of things one can find on resumes nowadays.
Thanks ResumeBear, for a humorous and unique post about resume writing!
I just received a cover letter, where the first sentence emphasizes that the candidate is “passionate about sports and wine”. If anyone out there is looking for an alcoholic hockey player I can give you a great referral!
As senior recruiter for a large interantional steel company I received CV’s with the following text:
I am working for 15 years in the same job. I want to do something else. ( name I had to pick up from the email)
I’m in Executive Recruitment in the UK Life Sciences sector and once had a perfectly written and laid out CV/Resume from a well qualified French woman who included in her hobbies and pastimes “Lap Dancing”! I assumed she had made a crucial mistake and, so as not to embarrass her, altered the entry to “Tap Dancing” before passing it on to a client!
She didnt get the job and I always wonder whether she would have been successful if I had left her CV alone!
Mind you, she wasn’t all that strong on Pharmacovigilance either!
Slaurain
Too Late!!! PMSL!!!
Being a recruiter, I’ve seen almost all of it. However, I occaisionally run into candidates who put Non-humorous and not crude comments in their resume which don’t belong. (1) Date of Birth – this allows an employe to age discriminate without having to see you face to face. (2)Marital Status – this discourages employers from giving you a relocation allowance big enough to cover your family. (3) Children – LIkewise (extra insurance cost to the employer). By the same token, they forget to include things that must be in there, like a second phone number, and an email address. The best resume is always the one written from the employer’s perspective (“if I were the employer, what would I want to know about me?”)
It is of course always useful not to include grammatical mistakes …..
“…….But we felt this topic deserved more attention that it’s gotten, so we ……..”
>>>>>
……..But we felt this topic deserved more attention that it has received, so we ………
In the UK the use of “gotten” would indicate that the person left school at the age of about 10.
I just had to reply to the UK “gotten” comment (by Colin). In calling out grammatical mistakes (or preferences in this case), you might be wise to catch the actual grammatical mistake:
” . . . But we felt this topic deserved more attention that it’s gotten, so we . . .”
–should be–
” . . . But we felt this topic deserved more attention THAN it’s gotten, so we . . . ”
And, Colin, if you ever need resume editing or formulation, visit pypers.com; they’ll fix all the “gottens” and “thats” that you need.
Really? I’ve put the Computer Hacking and the Party Animal into my resume, unfortunately.
At first, I only want to show my superior computer techniques, so I mention the Computer Hacking Skill in my resume, but at the same time, I also want my prospective boss believe that I’m a sociable man, therefore, I added that I’m a Party Animal more or less.
How terrible the situation is!
this is super resme preparation website for college going students . this is super
this info is very useful for me. am new to IT field.
Great article, its great to keep the humor going, especially with the state of things these days.
Definatly dont put down how efficiant you are at navigating facebook… or twitter for that matter.
Email Addresses
If your email address is anything other than your name- don’t put it on your resume. There, it’s that simple. I don’t care if you are trying to be cute or funny (which is great and encouraged in most every other situation) it just doesn’t work on your resume. Take five minutes go to gmail and register your name or some variation of your name. Whatever you do just don’t put muscledude27@gmail.com on your resume or Ahotvolleyballchick4sure@ or catchdeucedeuce@ or anything similar in this case your name is all you need.
Not every college student is the stereotypical drinker. Some of us were there to get an education since we knew we would have to work 2x as hard to get 1/2 as much. The list should be seen as humour and not advice to anyone as I do not believe that any person applying for a professional position would list any of this.
As a recruiter,you need to correct your spelling and your punctuation.
get the stick out of your butt. this life is useless if you don’t enjoy it.